I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A+ Viking dick
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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