I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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