...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
