If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
