Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I got inside last night via doggy door
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
