I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
