thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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