I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
