Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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