Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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