It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
