I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
