Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
