my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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