white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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