wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
