Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
