so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
is wine microwaveable?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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