My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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