Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
