I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
