so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
