I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
