Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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