sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
