hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
