I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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