I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
