she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
