I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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