its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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