You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize