You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
