It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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