Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
