i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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