I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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