he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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