party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
