i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
