I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
