dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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