My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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