Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
