gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
