I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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