i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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