***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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