you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
