I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
