Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
