i permit you to call me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
