And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
