Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
